


Wounded Animal

by squintyangelcas



Series: Destiel Songfics [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: "Wounded Animal" by Mary Lambert, Angst, Depressed Castiel, Destiel Songfic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fallen Angels, Fallen Castiel, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, I promise these will get better, M/M, Meaning they won't be as sad in the future, Men of Letters Bunker, Protective Dean Winchester, Romance, Set in season nine, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 15:32:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2473322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squintyangelcas/pseuds/squintyangelcas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Fall plagued Castiel; memories of his brothers and sisters raining from the sky continuously looped in his mind. For days, he sat on his bed and stared at the wall, with it being the only thing he deserved to look at. When Dean just couldn't take it anymore, he intervenes and initiates a conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wounded Animal

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based off of "Wounded Animal" by Mary Lambert and it is set in season nine after the angels fell from Heaven and Castiel becomes human. However, instead of Dean kicking him out of the Bunker, he allows the former angel to stay.
> 
> Enjoy!

_**I carried your heart like a wounded animal--soft. I kept my condolences to myself--soft. I spent my last hours defending how I felt.** _

Dean stared at his his best friend, his angel, as he sat on the bed and faced the wall. This wall was all Cas deserved to look at right now, he had argued; those were the only words he had spoken since returning to the Bunker. It had been days and still, he refused to speak to Dean and his younger brother. The six years spent by their sides, defending them and saving their lives were lost upon him. The only thing he was able to think about were the images burned into his brain of his brothers and sisters falling--screaming. The world didn't hear them, but he did. And he wished it was the last thing he had ever heard.

**_I'm sorry; I'm sorry; I'm sorry I didn't try harder. I'm sorry; I'm sorry; I'm sorry I didn't try at all._ **

Castiel wanted to talk, he really did. He missed Dean and his goofy smile and his jokes--the ones he made when he knew things weren't okay, but desperately wanted them to be. He missed the way he and Sam bonded over the books they read together in the library over a cup of tea, the newest novel in a series in their hands and on their minds. However, those times were now gone and had been replaced by the never-ending guilt that was seared into Cas' heart.

_**I lost myself when I found you in the fall. I left it all. I lost myself when I found you in the fall. I left it all.** _

Never in a million years did Castiel think that things would turn out this way. As an angel, he had minded his own business until he received his orders to watch over Dean when the human was born. He spent thirty years protecting him from Heaven, and when he pulled him from Hell, he had spent six years protecting him on Earth. He cursed himself for this--he had spent more time trying to save one human, bringing him back to life again and again, than he had his own brothers and sisters. But something inside him didn't care; he loved this man and that would never change. He just wished he had done more.

**_I carried your love with a sense of urgency--scared. I kept all my senses from feeling you too much._ **

Castiel was pulled from his thoughts when Dean opened his mouth to speak. He had been very aware of his presence, but paid no attention to him until now. "Cas," the hunter began, his voice pleading. "You need to get up, man. You need to eat something before Fallen Angel Protective Services pays us a visit. And plus, you're starting to stink."

Bless this righteous man and his need to keep conversations light and amusing despite how desperate he was to get Cas up and moving, but the former angel could hear the frown in his voice. Picture it on his face. "I do not deserve nor desire the comfort food and bathing, Dean. I'm fine where I am, thank you."

"It's not your fault, you know. This self-pity party has to end, because right now, you're the only one attending it, and it's getting kind of sad to watch." Dean tried to keep the anger out of his voice, but he was failing miserably. It's not that he was angry at his angel, (fallen or not, Cas would always be Dean's angel) it's just that he hated seeing him this way. He hated the situation.

**_But I'm sorry; I'm sorry; I'm sorry I didn't try harder. I'm sorry; I'm sorry; I'm sorry I didn't try at all._ **

Dean moved to sit down next to Castiel, ignoring any sense personal space that Dean so often complained about. He needed to be close to Cas right now after days of being ignored by him. When he took a closer look, he noticed that his blue eyes weren't all that blue anymore--they had faded into a shade of grey that broke the hunter's heart. His lips were pale compared to their usual soft pink shade and his cheekbones jutted out from not eating for a few days. Already, the tolls of becoming a human were ruining him. "If you eat, I'll leave you alone. Just a few bites, Cas. I'll even bring your food in here and we can have a fiesta."

The other man was expecting Cas to tell him 'no' and force him to get out of his room, but instead he was surprised by the broken way the former angel spoke. "I should have done more to save them, Dean. I was too worried about you and your brother, though. They lost their home while I was trying to save yours. Ours. Whatever this is. I don't deserve your company, and I definitely don't deserve a party."

"Screw those dicks, man. They've tried to kill you more times than you've tried to save them; they don't deserve to call you their brother. You're a honorary Winchester, remember?" Dean nudged Castiel as he spoke, but the he didn't move. He never responded to Dean's desperate touches anymore.

_**I lost it all when I found you in the fall. I left it all. I lost myself when I found you in the fall. I left it all.** _

Castiel was expecting Dean to leave him alone after his speech about needing to eat and how he shouldn't feel guilty, however he was surprised when he felt the other man's nudge, followed by a hand on his thigh. He knew he couldn't keep this up long. He longed to hold Dean in his arms and press kisses to his forehead. He missed those things. When Cas spoke, his voice was still broken and pleading, staring at the floor. "I don't think I want you to leave me alone, Dean. You're the only thing holding me here right now. I need you."

Dean's mind immediately went back to night Cas told him he was afraid that he might kill himself if he saw what Heaven had become and immediately wrapped his arms around the former angel. By this point, they had been together for quite some time now and he was no longer uncomfortable with such exchanges. Dean pressed his lips to his lover's ear and whispered softly, "I'm here, angel. Whatever you need. I'm not going anywhere. You just so happen to be stuck with me."

And Cas knew that these things were true. He had given up Heaven the first time he had kissed Dean Winchester. He still felt guilty for abandoning his brothers and sisters, but his true family was right here. Though it may be little and dysfunctional, he found it all by himself.

_**I'm sorry; I'm sorry; I'm sorry I didn't try harder. I'm sorry; I'm sorry; I'm sorry I didn't try at all.** _

And so it went like this--Castiel was coaxed into eating by Dean's lips on his skin and the threat that he, too, wouldn't eat until his lover did. That was all it took. Cas would have never forgiven himself if Dean got sick because he was on strike and was being stubborn and wouldn't eat.

Slowly but surely, the hunter watched his angel get better over the course of a week or two and began showing him the ropes of being human. It resulted in one of the rooms in the lower level being flooded by laundry soap and dishes breaking in the kitchen, but every moment Dean spent with Cas had been worth it. Sam teased them, because he had been suspecting it for quite some time, but was nevertheless surprised to find the two men asleep on the couch together a few days after Cas had built up the courage to come out of his room, which had resulted into moving into Dean's.

One night after climbing into bed, the thought of fooling around lost upon them as they were simply too tired, Cas snuggled (and he used that term for lack of a better one, he swore) himself next to Dean's body and whispered softly, "Thank you for healing me."


End file.
